We grew up with the NG KERK ( Dutch Reformed Church ) in our blood. It was as natural to us as braaivleis and boerewors on a Sunday.
Mom played the organ and us four girls sat on the bench next to her. " My orrelpypies" she used to call us....
Sunday school, Confirmation, a bedtime prayer : as part of our lives as shopping at Checkers for groceries and for clothes at good old Edgars ( oh,boy, did we love Edgars ! ). As usual as breakfast at the Wimpy and buying Lucky Packets ( remember those ? ) at the local kafee.
God was good,then. It was easy to believe in goodness. Isn't it easy when parents provide all you could ever need and school, friends and the things kids do keep you convinced of the goodness of all things ?
I look at my two year old son and he has NO FEAR . OF ANYTHING. He seems to have been born with a sureness that I have lost......
" Please God, keep Mom healthy .." ( " I'm so sorry but Mom has died. This afternoon I found her on the bed. I'm sorry, sorry, sorry .... " )
"Please God,keep my baby growing safely inside of me ..." (" I'm sorry, there's no heartbeat...." )
" Please God, WHERE are you ? Are You there? " ( Silence.......)
What do you believe? Because my believing is not coming as easily as it used to....
" Dear God, it's me. Kooky. WHERE ARE YOU ??? "
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Ek is bly jy het my "blog" gevind...ek glo nie enigiets gebeur ooit per ongeluk nie.
ReplyDeleteI hope I can be there for you when you are struggling...I have found an amazing network of support of fellow christians through my blog and have found them more "real" than my "in real life" friends.
So here is to many chats and hoping to get to know you a lot better.
well done on starting a blog! I hope its as therapeutic to you as mine has been to me!
ReplyDeleteI'm reading a book at the moment called "Holding on to Hope" by Nancy Guthrie. She also lost a baby and the book is about her seeking God on it. So far it's quite eye opening!
Also since "everything happened" (ugh) I have read all i can on heaven... that has given me a HUGE amount of peace. If you want I can recommend some books on that topic too (coz most of us imagine heaven as a boring endless church service!)
Anyway lady, I am thinking of you and I am so sorry for what you are going through.